Johnny Ass Rockets

Holy shit. In the 21st century you would think fucking up a burger with sides would be impossible. But Johnny Rockets certainly knows how to do it. The bun and lettuce was fresh and the chicken done well but I could’ve chosen KFC to go die at instead. The southern fried burger was also lacking adequate sauce to meat to bun ratio. The shit that topped it off was probably the onion rings and fries. It looked like someone had tried to shit in a basket. 

Don’t be fooled by the fact that this place is in a nice area like The Emporium in The Valley. It’s overall a disappointing experience like that time I snorted coke and went on The Corkscrew at Sea World.

Satisfaction: Fuck Sea World.

1/5

Eat Shit // Embrace Death

Winner Winner

Fucking chicken heck mate! What a burger. Winner Winner in Paddington is the shit! It has to be the sauce on your bun, it’s the moist dark meat in your mouth, its the soft bun on your tongue, it’s the crinkle cut fries that slide down your throat and that warm afterglow you get after this meal. 

Winner Winner Chicken is a real gem amongst the snotty middle class no sock wearing, tucked in tee shirt plebs of the inner city suburbs. We’ll be back for sure! 

I got the Green Goddess Burger with spicy chicken thigh, onion rings, jack cheesr, aioli, and green godess sauce. The meat was tender as fuck. I haven’t had a thigh that juicy since Kylie Minogue and her hit Spinning Around. The sauce, meat, bun ratio was perfect and the fries were superb. Crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle! Pretty much how I like my cocktails. 
KFC can crack open a cold one with the boys McDonald’s or Hungry Jack’s and fuck off. 
5/5

Eat Shit // Embrace Death 

Schnitty Shit Yeah The Boys

As far as easy-to-eat burgers go, this wasn’t one of them. HOWEVER, it was worth the struggle of getting this in my gob.

A road trip up to the Sunny Coast to visit The Nines and a good friend of mine yesterday resulted in a generous hook up with this beauty. The ‘Durrty South’ is a whole chicken schnitty, slaw, and salad. My mate threw in some extra avocado and bacon cos he’s my boy, making this burg a big fucker.
Absolutely delicious. Would travel again.
5/5
Eat Shit // Embrace Death 

Konichiwa Bitches!

Konnichiwa motherfuckers. It’s been awhile since I’ve graced your instagram feeds so take a minute to cop this. 

We out here in fuggen SHIBUYA in Tokyo and just happened to stumble across some authentic American cuisine that we lowly Aussies have never had the chance to enjoy: Wendy’s. 

Now my lovely travel companion and better half got the double baconator, which was a greasy gut punch of beef, bacon, and cheese… It was fucking magical. I got the standard Double Cheese burger, which was as above minis the bacon, and some salad thrown in for freshness. It was also fucking magical. 

Don’t you worry, we’re also eating plenty of Japanese cuisine along the way, and hopefully I’ll have a Jap-style burger review coming your way soon. 

Yours in cheese,

The Nammoth

Eat Shit// Embrace Death 

Remy’s = Perfection

While The Nammoth with Cheese has bailed on Angry Burgs for a while to focus on something adults don’t understand, I decided to give Remy’s a crack! I’m making a big call right fucking now. This double cheese burger was BETTER than Ben’s Burgers. 
The cheese went straight to my arteries and the beef was succulent and smokey.  The brioche buns are what makes it an amazing burger. It was like Saddam Hussein giving you a massage but then you suddenly get punched in the face by the special sauce and crispy bacon. 

The fries are usually hit or miss but glad to say they were top notch well cooked death by potato. 

Remy’s has actually ALWAYS delivered and it should be up there with the best in Brisbane. Because the overcomplicated burgers at Fritzenburger and Ze Pickle can eat bags of dicks tbh. 
6/5

Satisfaction : The Oscar goes to… My dying self esteem. 
Eat Shit // Embrace Death 

Ben’s Fucking Burgers

Sometimes words aren’t enough to describe an experience.  So here’s a picture of the cheesy burger with an extra patty from the best fucking plave in town.  Ben’s Burgers in the valley. 

The special sauce and the cheese are always on point and the buns are world class. 

I could’ve polished off another tbh. 

7/5

Satisfaction : imagine hating yourself so much that you hate burgers too.  IMAGINE. 

Eat Shit // Embrace Death 

Brew hoo

Alright you cheeky fucks it’s been awhile between burgs and we ain’t got much time before big fat red dawg is here delivering shitty gift packs of Lynx and Lush boxes. 

So I’ll cut right to the chase. I got the Beef and Blue Cheese from north Brisbane local joint “Brew Master’s”. This burger was average. At the time I thought it was GOOD but since it’s been repeating on me since 1:30pm and left a shitty taste in my mouth I’m docking a few points. Beef patty, blue cheese, way too much lettuce, creamy sauce, and diced beetroot made up this salty dog and I don’t think I’d order it again. 

My friend had a brisket burger that looked divine though so I’m sure I’ll be back one day.

2/5
Satisfaction: I hope Santa brings me a bottle of draino for Chrissy

Eat Shit // Embrace Death 

Gang banger of New York

When a place is always closed when you wanna go there, you start to develop some negative feelings towards it. Closed at 3 on a Thursday when all I want is a cheeky feed on my way home from work… The fuck is that about? 

Anyway, today the stars aligned and I thought to come to Wiseguy Espresso and Schnitzel Bar in humble Albany Creek,  Brisbane’s north side suburbia. I don’t know why these (wise)guys are shooting their business in the foot by closing at 3pm every day… These burgers stand toe to toe with some of the CBD’s elite. 

I had the “Gangs of New York” burger, a formidable beast named after a formidable film (most of their burgers are named after gangster films). This monster was rocking double schnitzel, double cheese, pickles, smokey bacon, mustard, and aioli. Not a shred of salad in sight. This combination was a messy, delicious treat and was well worth waiting until I was free during their offensive opening hours.

I award this burger 4/5. I will be returning to try the “Raging Bull” next.
Satisfaction: Leo should have won an Oscar for this burger

Side of the week- Burger Urge

Ever been let down by chilli fries?  Ever been so mouth wateringly keen for some delicious chilli beef and cheese generously loaded onto French fries only for it to be delivered to you with a weak cheese sauce and sweet chilli drizzle?

If you answered yes, then you need to get yourself to Burger Urge and wrap your lips around our side of the week! Loaded up with tasty beef, cheese, chilli and tomato sauce, and jalapenos… Fuckin cracker m8

Brisket Bastards

This the Getta Brisket from Getta Burger Ashgrove. 

Succulent smokey brisket,  awesome sauce and fresh as fuck coleslaw. 

No more to be said.  This is perfection. 

5/5

Satisfaction: *cries*

Eat Shit // Embrace Death